Thursday Things

This week has been a vast improvement from its predecessors. Maybe it is that we received our first snow storm today. Maybe it is because today is my Friday. Maybe it is because I had a much needed chat on Monday. Or maybe it is because I was bequeathed an Ambien the other day and I slept like a tranquilized tiger for a night. Regardless of the reason, it was a welcomed relief. Enjoy this week’s Thursday things, people. Enjoy.

This Coat

 

The link is this year’s similar version, but I bought mine last year as a Christmas gift to myself. Partly because it is a purple coat,  but also because I had slipped on ice in the parking lot of my office on Christmas Eve and ate it pretty hard, tearing a hole in the elbow of my other long coat and in my pants, because I’m a lady. For some reason, walking around in the snow in my long coat with my purse on my arm makes me feel fancy, like I live in New York and work at a fashion magazine and meet up with my gal pals for boy talk after work. I don’t live in New York, and my job isn’t very glamorous and I usually just hit the gym after work and probably watch too much “Sex and the City”. Anywho, I love this coat because it is warm, because it is cute, and because it is purple. Enough said.

This Show

 

I’ve talked about Happy Endings before because it is the best thing in my life, but it returned this week and did not disappoint. “You’re trying to ‘Misery’ me!”… Seriously though, watch this show. It makes me laugh so hard and it could not have come back soon enough. When I first wrote about Happy Endings, it was threatening cancellation. Thankfully, it returned for season three because someone cares about my wellbeing. I don’t know who I can thank, but I will do whatever it takes to show my appreciation! Anything…but I won’t do that.

This Perfume 

It smells like cotton candy you guys! Or if you're my aunt, it smells like I am trying to cover up a smoking habit with cotton candy. For the record, I wasn't and I'm not and she is the only complaint I've ever heard. I love this smell! I have tried so many others over the years, but I keep going back to this because I LOVE THE SMELL OF COTTON CANDY!!! 

This Song 

I am not a huge fan of The Killers by any means. In fact, its kind of the opposite. I bought their first album in College because it was all people were talking about and I became enraged. Every single song sounded exactly the same and I was outraged that this was what the music industry raved about. I still think their music is fairly meh, but my rage has calmed to a point where I can tolerate and download a few songs onto my iPhone.  For some reason I can't stop listening to this song. For some odd reason it makes me swoon. I feel like it is so sweet and I think we all just want someone to tell us they wouldn't let us go. Or maybe just me? I don't know, but I love it a lot. 

This Way of Making Me Not Albino 

I tan pretty well. It is in me. But my love of pool time in the summer often gets outweighed by errands and baby showers and brunches and things that require me to shower and not lay at the pool all day. Rude. So no tan in the summer means I head into albino season, already really white and then it just gets progressively worse from there. Tanning beds are bad and make you look old, so I try to steer clear of those. Solution? Spray tans! They work pretty well if you go about the process the right way (exfoliating, waiting to shower, etc.). Plus, it is fast and not terrible for you! The downside is that you smell terrible after. As I write this, I am lounging in my spray tan glory, smelling like a locker room. It will all be worth it when I am the hottest gal at my friend's wedding this weekend! 

Its the freakin' weeken' baby, I'm about to have me some fun. (In other words, I just took the other half of the Ambien I was given so I am about to sleep so well)

An Open Letter to Justin Randall Timberlake

Dear JT,

 

Let’s talk. I am outraged by your selfishness and the complete disregard for my feelings that you continue to display year after year. The young Tennessee native with ramen noodle hair that I loved would never be so egotistical as to believe he was too good for the boy band that made him. I am happy for the success you have found in your solo career, clothing line, etc. but I need you now. America needs you now! This is an election year so things are tense. The economy continues to struggle and unemployment continues to be an issue as our nation’s debt raises to terrifying highs. I firmly believe that an N*SYNC reunion tour is the thing we need to calm the troubled seas of this nation. You, Justin Timberlake, are the one preventing peace.

 

You think you’re too busy or too good for a reunion tour? Get over yourself! If you have time to be in a movie about Facebook, you certainly have time to frost the tips of your hair and put on some matching clothes for a reunion tour. And marionette strings can’t possibly be beneath you when you are running around putting your dick in a box. I just don’t understand what your problem is and why you think you’re so cool. Do you think the other guys are too busy? No! They would all jump at the opportunity to step back into the spotlight in their fleece vests! Are you aware that N*SYNC is the last of the pertinent boy bands to reunite in their entirety? The Backstreet Boys even got Kevin back! Original lineup, sir! NKOTB? Original lineup. 98 degrees? Original lineup. Boys II Men? Original lineup. LFO would be the original lineup had our dear Rich Cronin not left this earth too soon, may he rest in peace. What if that happened, huh? What if Kris were to pass on to the other side, God forbid? How would you feel then?! Would you be proud of your perfume ventures, or would you wish you had spent more time on a tour bus with the men you love most? Stop being such a self-centered ass and think about them, me, and our country for a sec, would you?

 

In closing, I would like to humbly ask that you think of someone other than yourself for just one minute, and ask if you really want to be the reason that the USA becomes obsolete. If you can live with yourself knowing that fact, then please carry on with your marriage to Jessica Biel. I hope you have many, many years of SNL skits ahead of you when the communists take over our airwaves and JC gets pancreatic cancer.

Sincerely,

Me

Thursday Things

Thursdee again. Yup. 

This Show

 

I was completely obsessed with last season. So obsessed.  It was all I wanted to talk about with anyone for a solid 6 months, which was hard since there was a pretty small pool of my friends who watched it. I don’t have the cable so I download them on my apple TV from the itunes. Last year I set it up to download them automatically, so Thursdays were good days because I knew I would get to go home to a newly downloaded American Horror Story. For the record, I called the Violet thing weeks before anyone else.  I am looking forward to that feeling again as season 2 started last night! And with Adam Levine in it!! Doing sexy things!! Bless his insanely hot, tattooed, severe issues with women, heart.

This Outfit

 

I have been trying extra hard lately to pull myself together outfit-wise. Partly because the cold weather often makes me choose comfort over fashion and I end up looking like a homeless lady who never showers, but also I have this funk going on and I have it in my head that as long as I look good people won’t know…except that I openly talk about my funk. Whatever, shut up! The outfit above is not part of that effort, obviously. Not one bit. But my, oh my is it comfortable! Grey leggings, my favorite Invisible Children T, and a nice hoodie. I’ve worn this exact thing twice in the past 2 weeks; once to the movies because I’m a lady, and again to Sara’s house to watch Walking Dead, which was a little more appropriate. I’m going to keep up my effort to dress [mostly] well, but don’t be alarmed if you catch me at Target wearing this outfit on a Friday night. I am probably just wasting time until my Indian takeout is ready.

This Food

 

They are called pupusas and if you have never had them, get them. Now. They are a corn flour tortilla-like base, filled with things. I prefer bean and cheese. You can find them at a few dingy dives where underage children or ladies who yell at you but then affectionately call you, “mija” in the next breath, work. There is a place by my apartment that recently opened that serves them, except sometimes the underage kid tells you they don’t. I like that there is a place nearby because now I don’t have to drive to the industrial part of town with my pepper spray and wonder if my car is going to be stripped after I get yelled at and called “mija”. It was worth the risk though.

This Song

An oldie but a goodie. I love SoCo and Jack's Mannequin and anything Andrew McMahon does in the future, as he recently announced the end of Jack's Mannequin. This song has a very special place in my heart and anything I say won't explain my love for it, so just enjoy. 

This Hair Care Line

 

Multiple people have told me that my hair is my best feature. I’ve always had good hair, not to be confused with good haircuts because I have had some terrible ones of those. See:

 

But despite some terrible hairstyles, years of dying and tons of DC, I have pretty healthy hair. I have always tried to treat my hair to nice shampoos and conditioners, but I started to cheap out a few years back. When I was working in Park City money was tight to say the least, so my shampoo and conditioner got cheaper and cheaper and my hair started to show it. It started tangling a lot easier than it ever had before, and then one time it did this:

 

Don’t ask. That mess took a shower and 20 minutes of pick time to brush out, so I decided to stop being cheap and start buying shampoo that was going to help my hair instead of letting it do that. This stuff is spendy, but it is liquid gold!! I have never used anything better in my life and since my hair is my best feature, I continue to cry every few months as I shell out a few hours’ worth of work for stuff that I rub on my head and then wash out. Sigh. So worth it. 

Thursday Things

Still not quite myself so funny comment, self deprecating joke, whatever. But today is my Friday and I have a lot of TV to catch up on so let's make this quick...

This Door Mat

 

Maggie’s neighbor has made some interesting choices in his exterior décor, this door mat being the gateway to what I assume is a home decorated with piles of old magazines, newspaper clippings and full bags of trash. It makes me smile and wonder who thought that was appropriate for a door mat. The good news is that I will no longer mistake which door belongs to Maggie and Colt.

This Movie

 

Stop whatever you are doing and go see it! It is a perfect mix of hilarious and cute and it has Rebel Wilson and Adam from “Workaholics”. I think that right there should be reason enough, but the singing it fantastic too. It is “Glee” but actually good and funny and it only made me cry a teeny bit! If only getting a dude was as easy as (Spoiler alert!!) singing his favorite 80’s song in a national a cappella competition. Sigh.

This Poem

 

I just bought “Everything On It”, the newest Shel Silverstein book. Isn’t he dead? Well, yes… but they found a collection of poems and drawings that he never found a place for, so they smashed them together and published it. There are some cute and pretty inspirational little guys in this book, but this poem was my fave. I can’t decide if it makes me sad, or hopeful. I lean towards hopeful, but I’ll let you guys decide for yourself.

This Candle

 

I freaking love this smell!!! So much so that I always begrudgingly buy a new $20 candle every time this one burns out. I hate spending that much on something that I just burn in my room, but I have yet to find a smell that I like as much so I do what I want because that is my motto in life right now. This company has really got me goo, those jerks.  

This Fro-yo 

B&J's new line of greek frozen yogurts are good. I mean, its no Top It, but it does the job when I don't have the energy to drive or walk over to Top It. This one is my fave and I am about to go eat my feelings by dipping my spoon into the carton right now. 

Tis the Season

Simply put, Halloween is the best holiday of all. Since I was very little I have always gotten a little too into my costume prep and each year I strive to do something funnier or more creative than the year before. As ideas come to me, I write them down. Then I start gathering items to put the costumer together about a month in advance. I refuse to buy pre-made costumes, so everything you see has been crafted by yours truly, with the exception of the cow. That was a borrowed secondary costume when I was going to a single's ward dance and didn't care or want to get all dressed up in my real costume. Enjoy...

My least attractive (the cow costume, mentioned above): 

My nerdiest (Padme Amidala): 

My most random (Hanna Montana): 

My funniest (Warren Jeff's Family): 

My most pedophiliac (Toddler Beauty Queen):

My most creative (Max Hall's family): 

My most innocent (Ballerina):

My most accessorized (Paris & Nicole): 

My most offensive that I still feel really bad about (Ummmm, High School gym teacher & the electrician): 

My sluttiest (Snow White...sorry I don't have a full body shot to give you the real idea):

All my ladies pop your...

If you know me well, you know I have lots of feelings. I will cry at almost any movie, book, hallmark ad, etc. and I have never in my 27 years of life made it through any church talk without crying at least once. All these feelings flowing freely from my heart and out my tear ducts, yet the thing I struggle with most is expressing them. I don't often tell people how I feel about them. It makes me feel vulnerable and as a fellow single friend once told me, "I would rather throw up three times a day, every day, than feel vulnerable." 

 Well, I am throwing out some feelings now and y'all can just deal with it. I am going to feel vulnerable for a sec and hopefully not throw up three times a day, every day. Without going into detail, the last 3 weeks have been what we in the biz like to call, a real bitch. I can honestly say that I haven’t had a more trying, miserable, difficult time in probably 10 years. I have cried every day, sometimes the entire day and had at least 3 moments where I have had to sit down, cover my face and just cry because I was completely overwhelmed. There was just an unreal amount of bad news, some directing relating to me, others related to people I love. It has felt like everyone and everything was falling apart and I have just been brought down to my knees.  I don’t know what I did to piss the universe off, but I felt completely hopeless about a week into this string of terrible weeks. Lucky for me, I have some pretty fantastic lady friends who have rallied me and helped me get my act together when I really didn't care to. I wanted to take a brief moment to express my feelings for them and post some pretty terrible old photos.These are the ladies who have done something in the last two weeks to pull me back from the hypothetical ledge that I am standing on...

(Please note the many hair colors of Kirsten. This is why I can't actually remember what my natural hair color looks like)

This is Maggie

 

Maggie and I worked at Spag (The Spaghetti Factory) in our College years. Our friendship blossomed over mizithra and mushroom sauce and extended into the gay club, slumber parties and Welcome to the Dollhouse. We became quick friends and I have had the pleasure of keeping her in my life throughout the past 7 years. After a particularly bad Saturday night, I reached out to Maggie in the middle of the night. She and her husband, Colt welcomed me into their home on Sunday night and made me feel better about everything and helped me realize what I needed to do to keep on keepin' on. After Colt went to bed, Maggie stayed up until the wee hours of the morning reassuring me and making me feel like it was all going to be okay. It was the first time in a few weeks where I felt any semblance of peace. It sure was nice of them to do that.

This is Brooke

 

Brooke and I met in a singles ward and pretty much started dating each other. It was totally normal and didn’t involve singing songs from the Swan Princess while eating in the parking lot of Del Taco, or me hiding under her bed to scare every member of her family, or eating copious amounts of café rio or anything weird like that. Brooke not only became my significant other, but her incredible family has welcomed me into their homes these past 3 years. I have spent holidays with them and I think every member of the family has seen me cry at least one time. Brooke successfully graduated from the singles ward last year and left me behind to rot in dating hell. I still love her though. Last Tuesday was another pretty bad day for me. Because Brooke knows me too well, she knew just what I needed and forced my hand, something she has done many times. She and Doug, the man she left me for, also opened up their home to me and Brooke’s dad even joined the festivities and gave me a long hug and let me just cry in his arms because sometimes you just need someone to hug you and let you cry. I love the Duffy family as if they are my own and I am lucky to have them all, even when they leave me to be alone in the dating world. 

This is Bergendi

 

Bergendi and I have been playing together all Summer and I have been ever so glad to have her since all my other ladies have gone off and found soul mates. We have had some pretty cool times, and these last few weeks she has really been my cheerleader. She has received so many depressing texts from me in these last two weeks. I started to feel like a pretty draining friend and wouldn't have blamed her if she stopped responding to my texts, but instead she has checked on me to make sure I haven’t slit my wrists while eating Wendy’s in the tub. Yeah, I did that the other night. The Wendy's in the bathtub thing, not the wrist slitting. Then I fell asleep crying in the tub with a face mask on. Get over it. We have done lots and lots of shopping together these last few weeks because my ability to cope is heavily reliant upon buying pretty things. I don’t care that its unhealthy, it makes me feel better so I’m going to do it! She has been trying her damndest to pull me out of my funk even when I didn't feel like pulling myself out. She's tried it all! Shopping, shit talking, almond butter -- the works. What a cool, gal. Hopefully I can stop being such a negative Nelly soon so that she doesn't get sick of me soon. 

This is Sara

Sara and I were heterosexual life partners for most of our youth. We have been friends since elementary school and as you can see above, we were far from normal. We dressed up and accused bushes of rape, penny tapped the same house every Friday for probably 5 years (of adulthood), cut barbie hair off and taped it to ourselves for reason I cannot remember. Those stories are only skimming the surface of the weirdness we endured together, but I love her ever so much. She sends me funny texts almost daily, usually something at the expense of others because we are pretty nice gals like that. She had no idea that I was having such a terrible week because I didn't say anything, but those texts really cheered me up, whether she knew it or not. She has seen me in the worst and most awkward, scrub-wearing years of my life and still loves me. That is saying a lot. 

This is Lacee

 

Lacee is my wife. There is a third member of our marriage, but she is far away in the land of San Francisco. The three of us are sister wives, minus the man being involved. We all hate men something fierce sometimes, hence our commitment to each other. The irony of out bitter union is that some time in college, in the midst of our dating woes, we discovered that buying bridal magazines and reading them while eating ice cream was oddly cathartic. I don't even remember how it happened but it was a fairly regular activity. One of us would have a bad night so we would buy bridal magazines because I am sorry, but you can’t feel sad while looking at all those pretty dresses and rings and flowers. It’s a scientific fact. Last Friday night Lacee and I got together and laid in her bed with magainzes for hours while her boyfriend watched her babies. I make no apologies to the fact that we bought bridal magazines or that I ate carbs and dairy that night. Judge all you want, but I left her house Friday night feeling pretty good and I didn't even have to put makeup on. The only thing that could have made it better was if our other wife had been there. 

Big thanks to all of the peeps who stopped me from spending every night crying in my room alone these past two weeks! I don't want to exclude anyone because I have a lot of love in my life, these lucky ladies just happened to make the cut this week. I am particularly fond of all of you and I am lucky to have such cool gals in my life.

Thursday Things

It is 11:57pm so I have made my Thursday Things goal once again. So suck on that. 

This Podcast

 

I started listening to Uhh Yeah Dude back in 2007 and will never look back. I have a weird crush on Jonathan, which is sort of gross (he’s the large, bearded, hippie dude above), but I’m into him and I like his voice. It soothes me. These jokers make me laugh out loud in inappropriate places, but I feel that I should warn you that it is not safe for work or areas where small children or naive adults may lurk. I look forward to their ramblings each week and suggest you also holler at my boys if you like off colored humor and can tolerate a plethora of f-bombs. 

This Video

At the risk of sounding like a jerk, I think I will just keep my feelings towards the ginger species to myself and let you watch this video to see for yourself why I laughed so uncontrollably in my kitchen while making snickers fudge and watching “The New Normal” on my iPad. Ginger jokes aside, this show is great! It is clever and funny and you guys should watch it online since KSL won’t play it in Utah.

This Restaurant

 

It is my fave. It makes me feel happy when I am sad…or just when I crave Indian food, which is far more often than is normal, by the way. My personal favorite is  the Paneer Chili and I allow myself to eat carbs with it because Indian food without naan is like Game of Thrones without dragons. There are two locations, although I frequent the Highland Drive one to the point that they recognize me now. It’s cool, they give me a lot of coupons and free stuff.

This Energy Drink

 

I’ve been working out a lot lately because with everything happening, I needed an outlet outside of shopping. I have some pretty cool issues with anxiety and working out really helps me keep myself in check. I’ve been averaging 2 hours a night the last few weeks because not only do I feel better after the workout, but I use my time for something more productive than stressing myself out. I have been drinking this right before I get to the gym and it gives me the boost to run or bike for 2 hours straight without getting bored or tired. I am told that it has an odd effect on some, but for me it is perfy! I workout super hard for a long time and then I go home and take 2 melatonin, eat some dinner, shower and sleep the night away.

These Earrings

 

They were part of my stress shopping and I could not be more pleased. They are big, which I like, and they are sparkly, which I like, they make me feel fancy, which I like, and they don’t make my ears weird, which I love. If you didn’t know this about me, I have gauged ears. I did it when I was 21ish and got up to a 2, which is roughly the size of the tip of a pinky. Now I can only fit about an 8 in these ear holes of mine, but the fact it they will never be normal. I was told they shrink back if you stay in a certain range. Well, youth of today – the guy at the piercing studio lies to you. They don’t shrink all the way back. I would say that I should have listened to my Mom, but everyone knew I could never be told what to do so no one even tried to stop me. Now I have to be very cautious of the kinds of earrings I buy; They can’t be too heavy or they will stretch the hole and make it hurt. They can’t be too small because they will pull through or go in too deep and get the hole all infected. These are good ones and young Kirsten was a stupid idiot.

(Note: I also have a tattoo on my foot from the same age range, because no one ever sees your foot…except that I will never be able to wear heels with skirts or cropped pants at any job ever, and the tattoo is artwork from an album from my then-favorite band, because that is cool to tell people when you’re 27 and that band has a weird reputation. What an idiot.)