Introducing: The Year of Kiki

Here we are, the first day of 2013. I am not big on New Years Eve and all the superstitions and traditions that come along with it, and I have never made a resolution in my life, but this year I am on board. I hated 2012. 2012 was sort of the worst. I really wanted to curb 2012. Fortunately, this last weekend of 2012 really gave me the boost I needed to start 2013 off right. There was shopping and fancy parties and flirting and a great New Year's eve bash with wonderful friends. At midnight a group of us made a pact to make 2013 OUR year, and you know what? I truly believe it will be! I feel completely optimistic that this new year will be a very good one for this girl and the ones I love. I leave you first with a collage of pictures from our NYE party, and then with a quote that I stole from Jenny:

Thursday Things

Good news everyone! We all officially made it through Christmas! I had some apprehension about Christmas this year because life has been pretty weird lately, what with the sad stuff and the existential crises. Luckily, I had a very lovely Christmas eve complete with lovely pajamas, a nativity scene played out with some adorable little ones (and some adorable adults as well), and a lovely Christmas story. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my Christmas Eve. Christmas day involved some excitement and even gifts not all purchased by me! I have decided to use my loot as this week’s Thursday things. Happy Christmas being over, every one!

These Mustache Items

Remember when I said my brothers were the worst and never got me anything? Well one of my brothers proved me wrong this year! He got me these cookie cutters as well as the straw clips. I can’t wait to be invited to an ironic hipster bar mitzvah, a la Penny on “Happy Endings” so that I can make these ironic mustache cookies and sip with my ironic mustache straw clips.

These Gift Cards

Nordy’s and Target are my two of my most favorite places on earth. I will take a day at Nordy’s or Target over Disneyland any day! Having money to spend at these joyous places brings me so much holiday cheer! I cannot wait for this weekend so that I can go crazy and buy some of what my heart desires at these stores!

This DVD

I have already mentioned my love of this movie. Santa leaves us a DVD in our stocking each Christmas morning. The jig was up this year for the first time in my life, but we still got stockings which means I still got this DVD. Very much looking forward to viewing this for years to come.

This Box

Bergendi made me a Berch Box filled with my favorite things. Fun band aids because my mom refused to buy them for me, the best pens ever, gel nail polish, my favorite tea and a USB because unlike most urban professionals, I have never owned one. I feel like I should burst into that song from the sound of music right now, but I will refrain.

These Shoes

I already posted about them. They are cute, but they are nothing compared to the pinnacle of my Christmas…

These Wish Fulfillers

My existential crisis may have played into my decision to get these, but that is irrelevant. If you know me then you know that I spend a good amount of time lusting after Tory Burch flats. I have done so for the past two years or more. I have said I would buy them at least 50 times and chickened out last minute because they cost way more than any shoe I’ve ever owned. I could just never rationalize the cost because as much as I joke around about being frivolous, I buy everything on sale and I am weirdly cheap about so many things. Then I had this moment last week when I realized that 2012 was just really not my year. 2011 wasn’t really all that great either. What I am saying is it has been a rough couple of years filled with disappointment and unexpected stress, so I vowed to start 2013 off on the right foot. What better way to metaphorically start out on the right foot than with the Tory Burch Reva flat that I spent 2010-2012 dreaming of? I had all sorts of anxiety about this. Was this really all I wanted for Christmas? Were they really worth it? The answer to both of those questions is an unwavering: YES!!! The moment they were put in my possession I felt excitement to wear them. I spent Friday- Tuesday thinking about opening them Christmas morning. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have not felt that much excitement for anything in I don’t even know how long. I also haven’t had a happier Christmas morning since ’95 when I got the dollhouse I had been desiring for 9 months. Call me shallow, but I felt pure joy putting them on my feet. It was a small price to pay for self-confidence, Michael!

Thursday Things

First things first: My cousin was found safe. Yay!

Now onto why I haven’t posted in several weeks; Well, it seems I am having some sort of existential crisis and posting about things I like seemed so silly compared to the things I have been thinking about.  So why am I having an existential crisis? Because things happened to make me sort of examine this girl and her life. I don’t disclose other people’s bidness on here because it isn’t my bidness to share, so for the sake of privacy I will keep it vague. A very, very good friend of mine went through something awful and I have spent the past few weeks trying to wrap my head around when life got to be so…so….lifey. It shook me to the core and I had this intense moment where I felt like everything I had ever wanted as a child was flashing in front of me. I suddenly found myself asking so many questions about my life: what I am doing with it, where I want it to go, and who do I want to be in it? Heavy stuff, man. My existential crisis sounds way more upsetting than it actually is. It is actually a healthy and positive process that I am working through and probably something that needed to happen, I just wish it wasn’t brought on by real sad stuff. So while I figure out the foundation of my entire being, I will post a half-assed list of things this week:

These Treats

 

They are special edition and I am going to curb someone if they don’t make them a year-round thing. I bought my first about a week and a half ago and have consumed 5 bags since. Don’t judge me. My chocolate covered craisins are definitely better than your _________ (fill in the blank with whatever holiday treat you prefer). So lay off me! Jerks.

This Song/Video

 

Very moving stuff. The lyrics are touching, the bridge is beautiful, the video makes me want to hug everyone I encounter and tell them I love them. Let’s all just love each other and not breed hate, can we please?

This Song

 

Yup, two songs this week. I told you it has been a weird week and nothing conveys emotion like music, so I have been listening to a lot of it. Don’t read too much into this song. It just makes me happy and makes me feel like I can kick life in the junk and be awesome, and when you’re trying to figure out how to arrange a whole new life, you need to feel like you can kick it in the junk.  

These Shoes

 

I’m getting nuthin’ for Christmas! True story. Not because I was bad, but because I got an iPad for my birthday. Since it was spendy, my parents gave it to me as my b-day/Christmas present combined. Also, my brothers are all the worst and never get me anything. I don’t regret the decision at all because my iPad is my boyfriend and I love him, but it does make for a disappointing Christmas morning. I don’t need any more disappointment in my life, so I bought myself these shoes. I even wrapped them up and put them under the tree! Come Christmas morn I will open my new shoes and feel a little excited while my brothers tear into their stuff. Huzzah!

Help

Hello people. I know I have been MIA for the last few weeks. More on that to come, but I wanted to quickly log on to post some important information in hopes it spreads out into the interweb:

 My cousin Randy has gone missing. He was last seen 12/14/12 in Sandy, UT

Age: 16 

Weight: 135

Height: 5'9"

Eyes: Green 

Hair: Dark brown

He has friends in Rose Park so he may have headed that way. If you see him you can leave a comment here, email me, call me if you have my digits, whatever. His family is very worried about him and want him home safe!

Baby, its cold outside!

It was recently brought to my attention that not everyone knows the song, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is about date rape. My aunt tried to tell me it was about innocent seduction, but I am not a fool. Don’t believe me? Well allow me to analyze the lyrics for you:

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice

Up until this point, it is all very innocent. The man likes this girl and just wants to spend more time with her, so he is using the weather as an excuse.  She’s trying to end the date like a lady, but he’s being sweet and I would probably stay too if I liked the dude.

My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some records on while I pour

Now, the girl is starting to feel a little uneasy about this guy. Maybe his sweet desire to have her stay is now coming off as threatening or creepy. She is making it clear that people, specifically her parents, know where she is and will worry if they don’t hear from her. Still, she’s thinking he’s sort of cute and she’s probably being paranoid, so she’ll have just half a drink more before she drives home and texts her mom to let her know the date went well and it was a nice, rape-free evening.

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink? - No cabs to be had out there

Here is where things get pretty real. “Say, what’s in this drink?”. A roofie, sweetheart. You been drugged! There was a reason he was pushing that drink on you. The pill in that drink will soon render you unconscious and he will be free to take advantage of you and also to use your phone to text your parents to let them know you’re fine and they should absolutely not worry. You should have trusted your instincts and left before he slipped you a forget me now.

I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

Honey, you can’t break the spell because he has put heavy drugs in that drink. You screwed.

I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside

You did say no, no, no and you did try to leave. Don’t let anyone tell you that you didn’t say no. No means no! Then you let his baby blues talk you into taking a drink and now you’re slowly drifting off to a rapey slumber. Sorry, lady. You getting raped.

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your coat - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me?
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside
Oh, baby it's cold outside
Oh, baby it's cold outside

This conclusion clearly takes place after she’s woken up. She knows something went down and she’s terrified and trying to get out of there, but she is putting on a strong front so that he doesn’t suspect anything is wrong. Smart move; make your captor feel safe and comfortable so that he lets you go, then you can call the cops and make your way to the nearest ER.

It is so clear what the true intent behind this song is. I am sorry for ruining this song for any of you that enjoy it or think it’s a sweet Christmas carol, but the truth had to be known. He can’t get away with this!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA FILTHY ANIMALS!

Panti

I have this friend named Amanda, aka Sea Cow, aka Panti. We met at the ripe old age of 2 and I have loved her ever since.  

We have the same birthday so as kids we were pretty much convinced that we were twins who had been separated at birth…

 

We spent our youth making music videos, playing dress-ups far past a normal age, jumping on a trampoline, and just being all around awkward and terrible looking...

As little girls we had big plans to grow up and marry brothers, move into her aunt’s house with our respective husbands, and teach preschool out of our basement. We didn’t marry brothers, but she married a pretty neat guy named Brandon, who I also love…

 

Into our adult years, she has been there for me through it all and has never once complained when I have spent hours at their house regaling them with my dating horrors…

 

Panti is the best person I know. I wish I could hug her and tell her all of this to her face, but she is all the way in Oklahoma. She is so strong, so positive in the face of trials, kind, thoughtful, and just truly good to the core.  She inspires me to be a better person every single day and I am so lucky to have someone like this in my life!

I love you, Panti! Auauauauauauauauauauaau! It’s a wee-haw!

Thursday Things

This Video

It is an old one, but I love it so much and was just thinking about how wonderful it is. Fun fact: I have a true, deep, sincere love for Ashlee Simpson. I watched every episode of her show and bought her first two albums. I’m not saying she’s the most talented person alive, but I do love her so. I want her to be my best friend. I think we could get along famously and she would talk me into buying the coolest clothes and doing the strangest things to my hair. Speaking of hair, there was a period of about 3 years where every time I got my hair cut I used photos of her hair. Girlfriend’s just got it going on. This video is my favorite because my girl is belligerent in a McDo’s and says, “Bitch, stop talking to me I’m nice!”. I am telling you, she’s my soul mate.

This Tea

Tea is sort of my jam when it starts to get nippy outside. Although I am still anxiously awaiting another great snowstorm like we had in early November, I am willing the winter in with my tea consumption. This brand and flavor is my personal favorite. It is weird and flowery, but I am into it. Plus, during the summer months Starbucks makes a passion tea lemonade that is TO DIE FOR. Come on, Jack Frost! Bring me the snow!

This Purse 

It is coming my way any day, thanks to Black Friday. Cobalt Blue! Cute! Will fit all my toiletries and my iPad! What more could I ask for?? Unfortunately for all of you, the purse is no longer available. Thanks, Black Friday! 


This Shipper

Why FedEx? One simple answer: they aren’t UPS. This week I have experiences the worst customer service of my life from UPS. You see I have a package of Christmas Gifts that was being sent to my old address because I didn’t notice that was still the shipping address on the account. I caught this on Monday when the package shipped and immediately contacted JCrew where I was told that it had already left and I would need to contact UPS. Cool except UPS told me the type of shipping they do is turned over to the Postal Service for delivery, so I would have to contact them to get the package held. Called the USPS and they were nice and told it was no problem and the package would be forwarded. Sigh of relief…until UPS changed their minds and decided to not turn the package over to USPS like they are supposed to. UPS now says they can’t help me because they can’t change the delivery method on this type of shipment, except that they can since they already have by not turning over to the post office LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO!! So multiple calls/fights with customer service agents who told me there was nothing they could do, my final call (which had me on hold for 45 minutes) resulted in a girl who understood that they are the ones who changed the delivery by keeping it, so I could be the exception to their rule since had they done what they were supposed to, I wouldn’t be in this mess. She sent a message to the UPS center holding the package asking them to hold it. FINALLY! Oh wait! Not! They called me back this morning and left me a message saying they can’t help me because it’s Post Office delivery and they can’t change the delivery method…EVEN THOUGH THEY ALREADY HAVE AND THE POST OFFICE WON’T EVEN TOUCH THE DAMN PACKAGE!!!! Oh, and surprise! The phone number they called from doesn’t accept calls back. It has been a joke and I am appalled that a company of that size can have such terrible customer service! I just don’t understand why no one can help me! I am saving them time and money by wanting to pick it up, so why would they not want to help me?! There is something in this for them as well! All they have to do is pull my effing package from the truck and put it on a shelf! No driver to go out of his way to my old place. No time waiting on the door to see if someone is home. TIME AND MONEY SAVED IF YOU AREN’T BEING DICKS!! Oh, and if you want to write an email complaint, it has to be less than 500 characters. Good luck getting any point across in less than 500 characters. I also believe I am now blacklisted by UPS because their chat support is magically unable to connect me to an agent today. Coincidence? I don’t think so. 

The good news is that I stalked the website and the moment it was delivered, I left work and ran to get it. There it was, safe and sound, no thanks to UPS!


And what's this? The delivery address to the post office? Huh! Weird that they didn't deliver it there and were still so incredibly difficult to deal with.


UPS IS OWNED AND OPERATED BY SATAN AND I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!