Baby, its cold outside!

It was recently brought to my attention that not everyone knows the song, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is about date rape. My aunt tried to tell me it was about innocent seduction, but I am not a fool. Don’t believe me? Well allow me to analyze the lyrics for you:

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice

Up until this point, it is all very innocent. The man likes this girl and just wants to spend more time with her, so he is using the weather as an excuse.  She’s trying to end the date like a lady, but he’s being sweet and I would probably stay too if I liked the dude.

My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some records on while I pour

Now, the girl is starting to feel a little uneasy about this guy. Maybe his sweet desire to have her stay is now coming off as threatening or creepy. She is making it clear that people, specifically her parents, know where she is and will worry if they don’t hear from her. Still, she’s thinking he’s sort of cute and she’s probably being paranoid, so she’ll have just half a drink more before she drives home and texts her mom to let her know the date went well and it was a nice, rape-free evening.

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink? - No cabs to be had out there

Here is where things get pretty real. “Say, what’s in this drink?”. A roofie, sweetheart. You been drugged! There was a reason he was pushing that drink on you. The pill in that drink will soon render you unconscious and he will be free to take advantage of you and also to use your phone to text your parents to let them know you’re fine and they should absolutely not worry. You should have trusted your instincts and left before he slipped you a forget me now.

I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

Honey, you can’t break the spell because he has put heavy drugs in that drink. You screwed.

I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside

You did say no, no, no and you did try to leave. Don’t let anyone tell you that you didn’t say no. No means no! Then you let his baby blues talk you into taking a drink and now you’re slowly drifting off to a rapey slumber. Sorry, lady. You getting raped.

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your coat - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me?
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside
Oh, baby it's cold outside
Oh, baby it's cold outside

This conclusion clearly takes place after she’s woken up. She knows something went down and she’s terrified and trying to get out of there, but she is putting on a strong front so that he doesn’t suspect anything is wrong. Smart move; make your captor feel safe and comfortable so that he lets you go, then you can call the cops and make your way to the nearest ER.

It is so clear what the true intent behind this song is. I am sorry for ruining this song for any of you that enjoy it or think it’s a sweet Christmas carol, but the truth had to be known. He can’t get away with this!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA FILTHY ANIMALS!