Decoys

Since Entertainment Weekly obviously reads my blog and steals my ideas, I am throwing another one out there in case NBC is looking for a new show. This show will require one key element: Chris Hansen. If you have never seen “To Catch a Predator” then I am sorry that you are the most ignorant person alive and you should just stop reading this right now. Honestly, it is the best show to ever grace network television! My dream job would be to be a decoy on “To Catch a Predator”. Unfortunately, the last few years have begun to weather my face a little and I can no longer pass as a 14 year old…not that I ever could! Thanks to my blasted genetics I have been 5’9” since I was in the 8th grade! There is nothing inticing to a pedophile about a 5’9” woman who has been considering botox in her forehead for the past year!

Back to my show: This is kind of a hybrid show that I have come up with. Basically, I will be pirating the concept behind “To Catch a Predator” and putting it in the blender with “Toddlers and Tiaras”. The show will be titled, “To Catch an Unfit Parent”. NBC will put on toddler beauty pageants, complete with decoy toddlers and decoy stage moms. Cameras follow the parents around under the guise that they will be putting them on a show about those tiny, creepy beauty queens. Then, after the parents have been caught giving their 4 year old diet pills and forcing them to go tanning, the beauty pageant’s MC will disappear to stage left to “go change into a bathing suit” and BAM! Chris Hansen will walk out. He will calmly introduce himself, “Hi, I’m Chris Hansen with dateline NBC”. Then he will invite the parents to sit down while he interrogates them about their questionable child rearing skills. After a suitable amount of excuses from the parents, all being disproved with emails in Chris Hansen’s hand, he will allow them to leave the auditorium. Then, once outside, DCFS will appear and tackle the unfit parent to the ground and use those plastic ties to restrain them!

Tell me I am not on to something! All I ask is that when NBC steals my “To Catch an Unfit Parent” idea, they allow me to be a decoy parent. My predator decoy days are behind me, but you can still give me this!