It will not happen again.

I am sure by now you have all heard that our country’s beloved half-dolphin/half-man hybrid was caught doing something naughty. Sweet young Master Phelps apparently partook of the devil’s weed at a party sometime this past November and a picture to document the occasion was released to the world via the British media.

I can hear the person who took the picture now, “Check out the lung capacity on that backcountry, Ozarks-looking fellow! Holy crap you guys, that’s Michael Phelps! Hand me my camera, I’m gonna be rich!!”
Honestly, this action does not make me think any less of the billion-calorie eating swimmer. People make mistakes, and he is just a 23 year old guy doing something that many 23 year old guys do. I did however love the statement he released:
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”
…by “it will not happen again” he means he will not let someone take a photo again, right? We all know that he will most definitely partake of the Mary Jane again, right?
How stupid do you think we are Dolphin man? Go eat your 5 plates of French toast and think about what you’ve done.