Real talk: there is nothing creepier than someone who places a missed connection ad! Not only was someone following you through the isles of Whole Foods while you bough almond milk and quinoa, but they then went home, did who knows what to themselves, and then felt like they needed to publicly add meaning to something that was totally in their head.
Having said that, it is a lifelong dream of mine to be flipping through a City Weekly at brunch, and come across a missed connection that is about me! I assume that the feeling would be an unsettling mix of excitement and fear. Then I would probably frame it and tell all of my posterity about the time someone stalked me in Whole Foods.
As I contemplated this concept, I assessed the places where people would see me and fall in love with me. I assume it would go something like this…
It was a Friday night around 8pm. You intoxicated me with your beauty as you entered the Indian restaurant in an old pair of Skyline High School sweatpants and a well-loved Backstreet Boys Millennium tour t-shirt. I was really into the natural look you had going on; the wet hair, no makeup, and I sensed the absence of a brassiere. You used a 2 for 1 coupon and got 3 meals. Were you taking those extra meals home to share with a lover, or could I be your get one free?
