The Worst "Movie" Ever Made

I would like to ask you all to participate  in this little activity with me. First, close your eyes (metaphorically because you couldn't read this if you actually closed your eyes). Now think back into your mind's eye to recall the worst movie you've ever seen. I am guessing it's some awfully un-funny comedy or perhaps a poorly made chick flick. Maybe if you saw "the hills have eyes" you're thinking of that movie, because that's where my mind would have gone before last night...Now I want you to take that movie and imagine watching it 6 times in a row while you are tied to a chair and can't go to the restroom. I can promise I would still have rather done that than to see the movie I saw last night. 
I legitimately saw the worst movie ever made last night. To call it a movie is generous. It's called "The Oregonian" and I can't even begin to tell you what it was about, if it had a point or storyline, or why I stayed to the end. Basically it was a series of incredibly disturbing images with very little talking and random flashes of even more disturbing images. I refused to clap at the end. The film maker and star were sitting behind us and I made no secret to my thoughts on the film. We also walked out of the Q&A. That wad based on some dreams you've had and influence by country music, Calvin Reeder? Well if that's true, I don't know what stations you're listening to and I feel you should seek intense psychiatric help. It's about stories, Calvin Reeder? Well please explain what the story was in that! Was it a story about a giant green monster performing lewd acts randomly? Or people who drink gasoline daqueries? Please enlighten me! 

  Bottom line: I don't know what happened to me in that "movie". I say it happened to me because it did happen to me. It was some sadistic form of abuse that I endured and will likely ignite some PTSD in me. I doubt this "movie" will ever see the light of day past Sundance so it probably won't be able to get you. Thank your lucky stars!

You got me real good this year, Sundance! Funny joke you trickster! 

Snowshoes and Paranoia

This Saturday I decided to go up Millcreek to do some snowshoeing. Good plan. I also decided that I have been under a lot of stress, so I would go alone to have some thinking time. Good plan too, unless you've seen "127 Hours" lately...

For those of you who haven't heard of this movie, it is the true story of Aaron Ralston, the Colorado man who got trapped in Southern Utah and cut off his own arm. To sum it up, he decided to go hiking alone without telling anyone where he was going. He knocked a rock loose on his hike, which trapped his hand between the rock and the wall of the crack he was in. He didn't have a real knife, just some crappy multi-tool. He did all sorts of crazy crap to stay alive. He ran out of water and eventually peed in his camelbak and DRANK HIS OWN URINE. He also used the neoprene sleeve from his camelbak to create a tourniquet, tightened the tourniquet with a carabiner. After he realize his multi-tool knife wasn't going to cut bone, he BROKE HIS OWN ARM and eventually went all crazy on that shiz and CUT HIS ARM OFF!!!!!! Yes, I know I used caps excessively there, but seriously people- that is so gross! Moral of the story: had he been with someone else, or even if he had told people where he was going and when he would be back, he probably wouldn't have had to go all psycho path on his arm. I am telling you right now that if I was ever faced with impending doom of that sort, I would not survive. My will to live isn't that strong. I would try to get out for 20-30 minutes, all the while crying and praying for help. After the 30 minute struggle, I would eat all of my food and drink all of my water. Then I would cry myself to sleep and probably never wake up again. Screw drinking your own pee!

Back to snowshoeing...I went alone, but I told people, just to be safe! Turns out that Millcreek was not an original idea on Saturday so I was never in any real danger. Although there was a fair amount of time alone, I ran into people every 20 minutes or so. I would be fine if a rock trapped me. End of story. Now enjoy some pics...

Pretty Creek


Safe and back at the car with all of my extremities!

J. Simp's Biggest Mistakes...

1. Leaving this hot piece of man:


2. Starting to eat trans fats:

The Life and Times of Kirsten

It has certainly been a while since I posted anything of relevance so I thought it might be time for a brief update of what I have been up to since April...

May: I made a big decision in my life and went through the temple. It had been on my mind for a while but then some things happened that made me understand that it was the exact right time in my life. Once I made my mind up it all happened fairly quickly. We're talking about 2 weeks between when I decided it was time and when I did it. I am not one to get super churchy on this type of thing, but it was incredible and I know it was the right thing for me. I'll leave it there, but big props to Carly for being my amazing escort, Duff for the blessing before, and my amazing friends who came to support! I love you all so much!

June: I got the heezy out of the PAC! After 5 long years I found a job with a great company. I love what I am doing now and the company I work for is awesome! I enjoy going to work and I get a kick out of the people I work with and the environment I am in.

July: Lots of sun bathing and pool time. I also started getting eye lash extensions. If you haven't ever had them, I highly recommend them!

August: Lots of camping. Tent trailers are the most amazing invention known to man. I also became enthralled with this author who essentially writes romance novels. Yeah, I admitted it. Get over it!

September: Football started! GO UTES!!!!!

October: More Football. Halloween. Blah, Blah, Blah...

Which brings us to today. Life is grand! Careful people, it's about to get all mushy up in here.............................................Over the past few months I have really come to appreciate the friends that I have been blessed to have in my life. I have been trying to take time to let them know how important they are to me and to spend more time with the people I love. It was pointed out to me the other day that I often start stories with, "my best friend...", but I will be talking about a number of different people. The thing is, I can't pick just one "best friend". I have so many friends that have been there for me at different times in my life that I can't pick just one! Each of them has been exactly what I needed at a specific time and now I am lucky enough to have a whole slew of best friends! I love you all!!!!!

And with that, I leave you with a picture of this year's Halloween Costume. Patrick and I were Max Hall's family. I didn't partake of the beer on our shirts. Calm down...

Quit Stalking us!

Remember how about 10 months ago swine flu was all anyone talked about? It was all over the place. Don’t lie—every time you got a sniffle, you assumed it was the swine flu and ran to get meds. Well brothers and sisters, we have something far worse on our hands. This epidemic seems to be spreading across all age groups, ethnicities and socioeconomic classes… this epidemic is Justin Bieber. People are actually calling it “Bieber Fever”. That sounds like some sort of plague that will wipe out 1/3 of Europe to me.


Seriously, it’s out of control you guys! Justin Bieber is stalking all of us! This is truly the only logical explanation for how some little kid (who looks suspiciously like a tiny lesbian to me) could overtake the entire globe. He caused a riot in Australia, people! I can’t seem to turn on a TV or the radio without hearing one of his songs, or at very least, the mention of his name. He was on SNL the same night as big-timer Tina Fey for crying out loud ( side note: that sketch they did where he was her student and she was fantasizing about him—totes inappropes, but so funny)!

I am 25 years old and I am as much a victim as anyone else. I love me a good sing-a-long to “one less lonely girl”, but it is simply wrong that this 14 year old is singing that to me! This child can’t make me less lonely! That’s illegal in all 50 states! Stop it Justin Bieber! Stop it now! Please start singing about gym class or taking your crush to nikelcade or something. Don’t sing to me about age-inappropriate love! (example: “Many have called but the chosen is you. Whatever you want shawty, I’ll give it to you”).

I just need you to stop Justin. You stalking everyone is becoming a problem. And for the record, I still don’t even know how to pronounce his last name…Beeber? Byber? Bayber? I don’t friggin know…

Fund Raiser!!

Anyone who knows me knows that I often provide friends with treats to fatten them up. I find baking sort of therapeutic and just all around fun, so when I was watching Days of our Lives on my lunch break and saw an opportunity to help sick kids, I jumped on it! It isn't until May, but I really want to get the word out and hopefully make some money for this cause!
The organization is cookies for kid's cancer. Individuals such as myself host bake sales and give the profits to the organization for pediatric cancer research. Most people have had cancer effect their lives or the lives of loved ones, but when it effects the lives of innocent kids it makes it that much sadder. My Grandma has been kind enough to allow me to use her backyard for a party/bake sale to raise money. I really hope that everyone can make it!! Please bring friends and everyone and anyone you know! My Grandma's backyard is huge and can take the pressure!

When: Saturday May 8, 2010; 11:00 AM -2:00 PM
Where: My Grandma's house (ask for directions)
Why: Because you like cookies and helping sick kids

Bombay House knockoff

I love Indian food. I love it! I would eat at Bombay house on a regular basis if I could afford it... hint: if I could afford it. So a few weeks ago I decided to figure out how to make some Paneer Masala on my own. With confidence that I could do it, and an online recipe in hand, I made my way to the Indian market. Round one was a'ight, so I started messing around with the recipe. After a lot of experimenting and tweaking ( I have made probably 4 batches) I have perfected what I feel is the closest to Bombay House's Paneer Masala. I share my recipe with you now. Enjoy!

Paneer Masala

1 block of Paneer, chopped into squares (you can find this at the Indian market)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 T Garlic
1 T Coriander
1 t Garam Masala (again- Indian market)
1/2 t chili powder (more if you like it really spicy)
1- 28 oz. can of diced tomatoes, pureed
Oil - 3 tbsp
Salt - to taste

Heat a large skillet with 2 T of oil. When the oil is hot, add in the chopped Paneer and cook until browned. Drain the paneer onto a plate with a paper towel to absorb the access oil. Next add the remaining 1 T of oil to the same skillet and brown the chopped onion. Once browned, add the garlic, coriander, garam masala, and chili powder. Cook for about 1 minute or until well blended. Next add in the paneer and the tomatoe paste. Add salt to taste. Cover and let simmer for about 5 minutes. Serve over rice or with naan.